I'm definitely one of those people who loves having a blueprint of any and everything that I'm getting into. I want to know where to start, everything that's needed in between and the most likely outcome. Now whether or not this can be accredited to a lack of a patience, I can't say, but I desire things to just exist in this order. Fortunately and unfortunately, things don't always pan out this way. Majority of the time I have somewhat of a starting place, the middle is filled with minimal details and I have no clue as to how things are going to turn out. Fortunately, not knowing sometimes makes for the most adventurous journey. Not having precise details leaves room for an alternate ending that may flow better with Gods plans. Knowing all details can sometimes prohibit one from veering towards open possibilities that may prove in the end to be a better option.
At the end of the matter, take your time with each new journey because your life will be filled with them. There will be no syllabus, nor timeline. Things are going to play out how they're going to play out. However, it's up to you to make the ride an enjoyable filled with lessons that the next generation can benefit from.
Some may call it traditionalism when a man purposes marriage to a woman, while others may simply view it as the right way of doing things, but we can all agree on the fact that when a woman proposes marriage to a man, controversy erupts. Whether it's due to being tired of waiting, going against the grain, or taking control of things, more women are beginning to propose marriage instead of just simply awaiting a proposal like most of the women in previous generations have. With feminism on the rise and women becoming more empowered, has Holy Matrimony become yet another avenue for the female gender to express empowerment? America may be on the brink of encountering its very first female president, women may be gaining a foothold on equal pay within the workforce, but will a woman proposing to a man ever exist as being the new norm?
When you think marriage, you think engagement, and when you think engagement, you think proposal. How many of us have ever heard the romantic tale of how a woman proposed to a man? Not many I'm sure because we all mostly believe that a man proposing marriage is his way of saying that you're the only one for him now and forever. It appears less romantic the other way around because women are more susceptible to fall in love or desire full committal within a relationship. We love to hear those romantic tales about men because they either remind us of what we shared in our life experience or what we desire to have. Unfortunately, the same can't quite be said when the gender roles are reversed because it is almost frowned upon by society. If you're looking at a marriage proposal in the sense previously noted, then a woman proposing to a man, may not only leave doubt as to if he actually wants to spend the rest of his life with her but it also gives way to the possibility that she may want it more than he does.
What's to be said about the man whose been with a woman for five or ten years who wants to get married, but just hasn't proposed to her? Could it be that something is holding him back and have those things even been addressed? A life long decision such as marriage will make a person reevaluate everything from appearance, to upbringing, to financial stability. A lot of times, many are under the assumption that marriage is the heal all solution when it comes to relationship issues when the truth of the matter is that those same issues will lie dormant temporarily and reappear once the love dust settles and wishing well funds have been depleted. It's better to deal with present issues versus just simply putting a ring over them. This isn't Gondor where rings give off magical powers.
But this is not to say that all engagements that involve a woman proposing results in a negative reaction. There are plenty of men who say yes to them. How many actually mean the yes is yet to be determined. A man will take a year to breakup with a woman who he cares about and because he cares about her, it makes it hard for him to let her down. No good man wants to see a woman cry so they'll often times avoid confrontation, arguments and anything else that will keep the sprinklers away and the same can be said in the instance of a marriage proposal. Both men and women who are unsure about marriage proposals have been known to say yes at the time of a proposal in an attempt to spare the other persons feelings. Some have even gone as far as to marry that person out of obligation or because they knew that there was a possibility of the other person leaving if the proposal wasn't readily accepted.
There are some, when this conversation of who should propose to whom arises, that Ruth is often times brought up. Ruth laid at Boaz's feet at the instruction of her elderly mother-n-law Naomi, and asked him to, "spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid" (Ruth 3:1-11) which is an ancient phrase meaning to take a woman to marriage. One can look at this with a justifying eye but not without considering the time and the cultural differences. To be without a husband during that time meant limited resources, protection, and no opportunity to have children, of which Ruth was in need and want of all three. In this present day, with all three being made available for women, with becoming a parent by way of adoption, without the assistance of a man, could this still be used as a viable indication that a proposal by a woman should become more of an acceptable practice?
A marriage is a marriage and the success of it ultimately falls upon the shoulders of the involved couple. Its success or failure is not so much predicated on who proposed more than the effort of both parties to make the marriage last. Traditionalism often alters the views and opinions of people but when a more acceptable practice is brought to the forefront, those same traditions can be changed. An important question to consider is, do we want this one to change?
Written by Davina
Please feel free to join in on the discussion tonight on 102.3 FM on the True Perceptions radio show with Lakeesha KeeKeeTruth Douglas @7pm CST or leave your comment below. Thank you
We've all heard the saying, 'The hearts wants, what the heart wants,' and I find that statement to carry much truth. But just as its truth has lingered in majority of our lives, so has the detriment of heartbreak when what the heart wants, isn't necessarily what the heart needs. Whether it's accredited to personality or mere infatuation, we sometimes find ourselves wanting what we can't have or simply shouldn't. Sometimes we're not even aware at all as to why we're so drawn to particular people. But one thing that we are cognizant of is that once the heart gets involved, common logic evaporates. Having placed my heart at fates disposal, I've allowed myself to feel deeply without restraint because to me, that kind of love felt the best. That's usually when you haven't been hurt badly and their slight indiscretions are forgivable and at the same time, you're learning something new with each decision that they make, whether you're in absolute agreement with it or not. There's an emotional rush that accompanies both the good and bad choices because you're becoming more knowledgeable of this person that has captivated you. And although these feelings can be mesmerizing, how long can you survive off of them alone? What can cause two people who share such great chemistry to never quite make it to an eternal relationship?
Everyone has that special thing in which they look for in a mate and when they find it, begin to build upon it. That thing becomes the connecting force. When you get married, there's an unspoken about sigh of relief. You exhale away the anxiety of no longer being apart of the arena of people who experience love but who patiently wait to see if their love is sufficient enough to rid the other person of any desire to ever be loved by anyone besides them. You feel as though you've made it out of the abyss. You know love and you feel like love knows you because you've experienced it before but never in the magnitude that you're responsible for it now. But upon arrival to such a place, many tend to question, 'did the previous suitors not see my love as being enough'?
When that admiration and connection isn't enough, you'll find yourself going through the same lessons over and over again without ever growing past the experiences that can either break a couple or develop them. Infidelity becomes intrusively apparent and a lack of commitment is displayed. Could this be a result of love not being enough, or just not being in love. Many choose to ignore the differences and become greatly disappointed when what they share, never grows into anything more. Love is for everyone but being in love is for companionship. We love our friends, family, pets, so on and so on, but being in love however is quite different. When someone is in love there is a certain calmness involved as with being married. You feel secure. You know that there may be things about you that the other person isn't particularly fond of but they're willing to accept them solely because of who you are to them. When it's just love, infatuation, those same flaws aren't overlooked and begin to peal away at the relationship once noticed. It's the same as how you love a friend or a family member. You notice things that you don't like but you don't love them any less. You do however tend to spend less time with them. Perhaps that explains why couples who aren't in love, shouldn't or never actually get married.
If you're currently dealing with someone that you have true feelings for but find yourself wondering whether or not they may be feeling the same way, take notice to how you were when the I love u's were first exchanged. As time has passed, has the love grown or diminished? Have what you've learned about each other over the course of time caused you to envision a future or has it made you more apprehensive about one? Being in love is finding a soul, a likeness, that you just don't want to do without. Now are you in love or do you simply just love them?
Life isn't a race but sometimes it can feel like one. It's almost as if we're racing against time and every destination has an allotted amount of time for us to reach it. Nowhere in those timelines however, do we account for mishaps. Those things which detour us from our regularly scheduled program.
Hurdles in racing, operates as an obstacle to determine the speed, strength, capability and durability of the race participants. In order to place first, one must be physically fit and possess a greater stamina then that of its opponents. The only difference in life is that when we're faced with hurdles outside of a competitors nature, it's usually us competing against ourselves. Competing against that part of us that's experiencing something that we don't quite feel equipped to handle. That part of us that knows when growth needs to take place but we're too afraid of experiencing change. That need to be comfortable and have everything go as plan.
Unlike in athletics, not much preparation is rendered when we're faced with certain hurdles. There are times when we're knocked completely off of our feet like when a sudden death occurs or when we lose a job or perhaps when our trust has been betrayed. They all feel like fatal blows and it becomes unimaginable to consider that you'll ever move past the pain. But eventually as time progresses something within kicks. We become naked to the realization that we're human and that we've been dealt a hand that's requiring more from us. The analogy is perfect considering that one hand doesn't account for the hold game, but there'll be more.
Sometimes we have others who've been placed in nearby corners to help coach us over hurdles. These are the people who witness you at your weakest state and love and encourage you until you've built up enough strength to advance beyond your present state. They're not always friends. Sometimes they're people who you'll only meet once or whose been apart of your life, just not in a great magnitude. You never know the hidden gems that people may have laying dormant on the inside of them. I've dealt with a few hurdles in my life and with the assistance and prayer from people that I didn't even know, grow to a place that I could then help others in the same magnitude.
When facing your next hurdle in life, remember, you're building speed, stamina, strength and progression to get you further than where you were before. A greater experience for a greater you!
Often when we don't get what it is that we want we tend to settle. We settle on jobs, on people, relationships, things, and the list goes on and on. We can't quite credit our adaptability to accept lessor than our true desires on a lack of patience solely. Sometimes we only need to look at what it is that we value or what we consider to be most important. I, myself, value time but I can't say that its stopped me from wasting a boatload of it. At some point, we have to start taking responsibility for neglecting the things in which we value most.
Jobs come and go and sometimes that is completely out of our controls. However, there are some instances where do what we have to in order to earn a living but never make any further attempts at acquiring the profession that we really want. To achieve this it takes diligence, perseverance, fight, and time. I don't know too many people who've matriculated through the educational system, who enjoys the thought of taking further online courses and throwing themselves back into teen studying mode, but sometimes, that's exactly what it takes. Many makeup artist are spending their days doing something that they don't love because it takes too much consistency, hard work, and people skills to break through successfully. But how much more rewarding would it be to put a little work in for a while and have it pay off for a lifetime?
I think that we've all had or know someone whose settled in a relationship or the lack thereof. Accepting that you may never find the perfect person is quite different from excepting anything. I've called people lonely and I've been told that I was lonely, so for clarification, the Merriam definition for lonely is sad from being apart from other people. With that being said, are you currently in a relationship but find yourself feeling the same exact way that you felt when you weren't with anyone at all? If yes, then perhaps you've settled and you're lonely. In spite of the misconception, there are a lot of people who actually enjoy being single. That usually takes times and buildup because quite naturally, after a divorce, split or breakup, no one enjoys it. It's when your heart has healed and you begin to appropriately allocate value, that you're then able to be blissfully okay with being singularly okay.
My advice, don't settle! If you find yourself in a temporary situation, as long as you aren't using someone else to cause them avoidable pain, stay there while focusing on going after what you truly want. This often applies to jobs. Your peace, joy, and happiness depends on it.
Mark Strand wrote a beautiful poem titled 'Keeping Things Whole,' where he depicts the nature, as some would assume, of an introverted person. It reads as follows:
In a field
I am the absence
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.
When I walk
I part the air
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.
We all have reasons
to keep things whole.
Anyone who reads poetry can derive their own meaning or way of interpreting the written piece. It had been a normal morning for me when I stumbled across Strand. I didn't really have anything in particular that I had planned for the day and on those days I'm usually down on myself. Surely there is always something to be done. Someone to talk to. Somewhere to go. After reading this however, I became immediately okay with desiring to do nothing more than read a good book instead of being in the company of others. Often times when people reach out to you and you haven't really been out of the house, except for work and perhaps a grocery store run, you feel as though you have to go out. Society sometimes plays a part in introverts becoming self conscious because of the negative implications that accompany having that title. I've always been referred to as having an introverted personality and the negative connotations are usually followed up with the statement, "But it's okay, that's just you." How many times have you heard that one? When people would ask me why it is that I'm so quiet, my response is usually straight forward, that's just the way I am. I want to yell, "I'm here, I'm just playing my part." Everyone doesn't need to be the one speaking all of the time and quit honestly, my modest tones have birthed communication in other ways. Those who are close to me understand that it is easier, at times, for me to express myself via text versus orally. I don't know why, that's just me.
So the next time you feel the need to alter yourself because you've been labeled as being too quiet simply treat it as if someone had said your hair is too brown. It's apart of who you are so embrace it.