OVERCOMING FAMILY HURT
Everything just seems right with the world when the family in gelling. No problem seems unsurmountable. No obstacle too hard to overcome. The sun even seems to shine better. The birds outside of your bedroom window seal chirping becomes less of an annoyance and more of a welcoming inhabitation of nature. But when the family unit is in an uproar, the birds have got to go!
Many of us have dealt with or are currently dealing with problems within our family. I mean their almost inevitable to avoid so when that old rusty 1933 Ford pulls up and parks itself in your driveway, dredging up every bad memory from your childhood, your heart sinks and you prepare for war. That war usually is brought on by dismissive feelings towards someone else's pain, an apology never rendered, or a borrowed dime never returned. So how do we escape the war causalities?
1. Acknowledge buried secrets that are holding family members hostage.
It's nothing like being on a sinking ship while having a clear view of everyone else on shore partying and having a good time. Although it may cause temporary discomfort, acknowledging those dark secrets that most families tend to try and keep buried will free the individuals/individual who is feeling isolated because of them. Common burial sites usually involve adultery, molestation, or some other form of abuse. In many of these cases, the victim is expected to just keep quiet and get over it silently but unless you've experienced something that traumatic, you'll never be able to fully understand what the person may be feeling emotionally. Things of this nature shouldn't be handled singularly but as a unit. Discussions should be had with a professional counseling service in order to have the situation evaluated properly. If the injured party needs continual care, then they should the families full support. That may not always be financial, but just a phone call or a visit to check on their progress.
2. Apologize if you've hurt someone.
Many of us finds this to be exceptionally hard, especially when you can't immediately see why the other person may be offended. But is it really necessary to experience like hurt to be sympathetic to it? Everyone may not be able to completely understand why someone would be hurt by certain things but apologizing in spite of that offers a relief on both sides. The offended feels like they matter and the person who apologizes in return will have developed a sense of awareness of how important others regard their acknowledgement. So many times you hear people say after long family battles that if the person would've just apologized then the situation would have been resolved.
3. Honor your word.
This is a huge one. There's nothing like having a family feud over money or an unkept obligation. If you gave your word to someone within your family and fine that you can no longer fulfill it, the best approach is honesty. Lose your pride and just be straight with the other party about why you have to bail on them and see if you can somehow make it up in the future. If the situation involves money, ask about paying in increments but don't just avoid the person entirely. You'll eventually have to come out of hiding.
Of course there are way more problems to address and way more solutions but hopefully this help someone is some way mend a broken bridge between family members.
Written by: Davina Sims