Motivational Writer

When It Hurts

6/11/2014

Have you ever experienced the isolation of hopelessness? Many of those subjected to emotional abuse experience this feeling daily. Often times than not, we excuse malign verbiage with the inclination that things could be worse, but could they? According to Webster, emotion by definition is a state of mind in which feeling, sentiment, or attitude is predominant. Victims of emotional abuse may find themselves undergoing constant emotional desecration which in turn can subliminally damage their state of thinking to a point where all of their confidence and sense of strength has to come from another source. Unfortunately, this usually is found in the hand of the deliverer. In early adolescence I could remember being scolded when I was disobedient to my parents or older siblings and after being made to feel like the absolute worse person in the world, I couldn't wait to make amends. So once my wrong was made right, I sought immediate retribution like a dog wanting a treat after passing obedience class. It was a strong desire to prove that I wasn't the worst person in the world, although that was never implied, it's what I felt. So in turn I wouldn't find peace until I felt that I'd become the little girl that everyone called adorable once again. Sometimes. Many have noted that the traits we possess in our adolescence, can sometimes follow us into our adulthood.

There once was a girl who fell deeply in love with the most wonderful man in the world. He bought her nice things that eventually turned into diamond ring and she was sure that they'd live happily ever after. After a few months of marital bliss, she found that it was harder and harder to please him. It didn't matter what she did or how perfectly she did it, he just never seemed to be satisfied. So she tried harder. She began to isolate herself from her family, co-workers, and friends to devote more time into making him happy, or so she thought, but she still often fell short. There would be moments when she considered that maybe she really wasn't deserving of all of the special things that he'd done for her. That maybe somehow she'd changed. So in an effort to correct her wrong, she sought retribution. The house was spotless, the clothing was washed, the children were fed, and all of the finances were his to use at his discretion alone. She sat for years waiting on her treat. Surely there would be some vindication.

This story is all too familiar to some of us, if it isn't us. I've traveled that lonely road of being made to feel over and over again that I was a constant let down. And as I did when once a child, tried to redeem myself. It almost felt like happiness debt. I couldn't obtain my own happiness until an unpayable debt was settled. With a clearer level of thinking, I now know that I can't truly make an unhappy person happy, and that I can't be happy sacrificing my own.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to please someone or with fixing a situation where you may have been wrong, but once the amendment becomes a debt to be repaid over and over again, there is no payment to satisfy it and it should be canceled. Gender classification excluded. Being made to feel whole shouldn't be considered a privilege and that is often what the victims of emotional abuse feels like under the hand of an abuser.

So if you are suffering in silence or you know someone who is, consider your debt canceled. In the Bible there's a scripture that says ,'Owe no man.' This could very well reference money but I proclaim it as a personal affidavit that I'm deserving of peace and happiness and that I'll owe no more then what would cause me to subtract from myself.

Davina. S

1 Comment

When It Becomes More Than Venting

6/10/2014

3 Comments

One day I was told by a close companion of mine that my crappy days seemed to be out weighing my not so crappy days. THAT MADE ME FEEL SORT OF CRAPPY...but it also forced me to take a look at myself and examine rather there was any validility to their statement. Many things can happen in a persons life that can make them feel lonely and hopeless, but when others are constantly subjected to hearing only their bad news, it can also cause them to appear needy. And not in that cute little flattering way where people are appreciative of the fact that you're always depending on them for comfort. More so in an annoying way where your calls are repeatedly being sent to voicemail because the receiving party would rather continue enjoying their day instead of subjecting themselves to yet another one of your complaints. Truthfully speaking, there can be a period in a persons life where it seems as though all hell is breaking loose, but in those moments lies an opportunity to display all of those hidden strengths that one never knew existed.
Several things have happened in many of our lives that if we were told would occur before hand, wouldn't believe that we would overcome them. In my lifetime I couldn't have imagined having a child without my mother and experiencing divorce without my father but with much prayer and faith in God, I made it through both with healable wounds. I'm sure that you've had some like experiences as well.

When my companion made the aforementioned commit to me, I could've gotten upset and turned that into another disappointing experience to focus my attention on, but instead, I chose to use a negative to strengthen a positive. My positive being my character. They did nothing wrong by making me aware of their growing uncomfortability with my need to vent constantly. In hindsight I actually appreciate them for it.

So the next time that you have an opportunity to share something that you may feel is going wrong in your life, choose to speak on something positive instead. There are so many things to be grateful for that if tabulated would out weigh the crappy by far. So Enjoy Life!

Davina S.

3 Comments

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