We're Not All The Same - Part II

Chanelle Nicole Woods

When it comes to dating, somehow, we've arrived at a place of categorizing "potentials" on the basis of face value perceptions. If she's fiscally responsible and has beauty, then there's a good chance that she's stuck up. If she wears tight clothing, then she's more than likely to be promiscuous. How did this come about? Have we become so lazy in getting to know  potential mates, that we group the sexes immediatly, without giving the other person time to display their true character? It definately is a quicker mechanism when eliminating the weed from the tare but is it truly effective?

Chanelle Nicole is a college graduate of Robert Morris University, a dance instructor, and a writer. She's a very ambitious individual with very high aspirations! She possesses the qualities and standards that most would desire in a mate, so one might ask, why is she yet single?

Me: Define dating in your own words?

Chanelle: I think dating is when you're getting to know someone while a potential love interest is there.

Me: So in your dating experience, do you find that most men that you encounter share the same view?

Chanelle: Not a lot. Most men that I've come across seem to generalize it. At one time, when you said that you were invited on a date, it meant something. Now, it's viewed as something more casual. I often here guys call it 'just kicking it'.

Me: Well personally, when I say that I'm going on a date with someone, there's a significant difference from me just hanging out with the girls. Most men who aren't looking for anything serious use the later terminology. What signals give away the limit of potential that a guy has in becoming serious?

Chanelle: If a guy says off the bat that he isn't ready for a relationship, then there won't be a date number two.

(I laugh)

Me: How do men usually respond to your now stern approach?

Chanelle: Some men  opt to totally disregard you and move on to the next one while others pursue the chase.

Me: After dating and being in and out of different relationships are you yet hopeful that you'll find someone?

Chanelle: I was hurt previously. But I still have faith that I'll have a meaningful relationship and even marriage. Anything else would be contradictory to what I believe in. I know that I'm a good woman and I have a lot to offer and there's someone out there for me.

Me: You spoke of being hurt previously, what happened with that?

Chanelle: For two years I was involved in what some may title, "A situationship." In other words we acted as a couple but there was never an agreement on commitment. We went on dates, I attended his family functions, a sort of bond had been established. It wasn't until the conversations arose about us being more than what we were that the lines of our relationship began to blur.  But he made it quite clear in the beginning that he wasn't interested in a relationship but after about six months I'd hoped that things would've changed. They never did.

It took exploring better options with a different class of men in order for me to realize what it is that I really wanted and how things could be so much better when you choose not to settle.

Me: I personally think that you're a great girl, how do portray that to a man without coming off as desperate? Some women tend to post all of their qualities in the About section of their Facebook page.

Chanelle: Old school still wins and trumps every time. You  can't chase a man. The man for you will notice all of your great qualities and I believe that men know exactly what it is that they want. This is where knowing your self worth comes into play.

Me: What would be your advice to a man whose looking for a good woman?

Chanelle: Be ready for her.

Well from her mouth to your ears...or eyes. You can't choose who your heart will fall in love with, but you can certainly choose who occupies your time. When dealing with the opposite sex, the best thing that you can do is be who you are, believe in the standards that you've set in place for yourself, and trust that everything will work out. If it doesn't then learn from it. Don't take the negative into your next dating experience. We all hope that we'll get it right the first time and then the second time, by the eighteenth time, we've had enough. But you don't have to date everyone that you find a little interesting. A short conversation passing by is fine, but we don't all need have each others phone number.

In essence, dating should be exciting and enjoyable, not scary and hurtful. So when embarking upon something that could be one of the best experiences of your life, lessen your space and increase the chase because you're valuable.

I will be posting every Wednesday evening so please visit again.

Davina S.