A Father's Right
When it comes to the rights of father's within the American judicial system, it appears that the dads often time get the short end of the stick. It's often assumed, outside of divorce court where there are more mitigations involved, that parental rights are given majorly to the mother. Some may say that it's because mother's are more nurturing and may have more time to spend with the children but a shift in household financial responsibilities have placed women in the same bracket as men when it comes to, at home availability. Many women now work full time jobs, which poses the question, in the matter of parental custody, should both parents receive equal time with the children?
Growing up as a child, when you had a friend living within a one parent home, it was usually the child living primarily with the mother. We would often refer to the father as the 'weekend dad' without considering the notion that he never had a choice in the matter. Unmarried couples who decide to go their separate ways are subject to the courts visitation determination if an agreement hasn't been reached amongst themselves.
The judge will assess the following factors in determining a custodial arrangement:
In many cases, both parents have similar capabilities to provide the aforementioned but it still remains that father's usually come out on the short end of the stick. Nationwide, a father is likely to receive 35% of child custody time. In some instances, where both parents can offer the same support, emotions take over and bad decisions are made, including wrongfully filing a restraining order. Many judges who grant restraining orders on a parent, aren't very likely to then offer up joint custody to them.
In an effort to combat the disadvantages that father's receive when it comes custody and child support, organizations have been created to assist with legal council and emotional support. I've listed the links below.
For those father's who may be experiencing a difficult time in court trying to gain access to your children, become as knowledgeable as you can before hiring an attorney. Refer to some of the resources available to you so that when you're ready to pursue legal counsel, you're prepared. This can be very cost effective in the long run.
If after reading this, you're able to provide some form of advice to another father, please comment below. Let's keep this conversation going until something changes.
**resources: mckinleyirvin.com; familyfindlaw.com
I have been a mom for twelve years now and let me tell you, it hasn't been easy. Being a parent brings out of all those hidden elements about yourself that you'd rather work on in your own time or perhaps not at all. Your lack of patience may not be so readable in your working environment or at your Sunday worship assembly, but after six hours depicts an entirely different version of you.
When my son was around eight or so, I noticed my inability to communicate with him at his rudimentary level. I thought the best mechanism for getting my point across was to yell it sternly. After so many failed attempts I discovered a more effective way of dealing with him without the verbally aggressive tone that proved time and time again to be ineffective. There were times when I felt so completely helpless and embarrassed after having one of my adult tantrums. One day I was on a social call and unbeknownst to me, I hadn't hit it the mute button so the other person on the line saw my hand. This quiet and respectful person that they'd experience on countless occasions just became this belligerent maniac. I attempted to laugh over my explosive embarrassment but it only made me feel worse. From that day forward, I decided to change the way in which I communicated with him. It was no longer about getting him to obey my rules but more so about changing myself whether I'm in the company of others or not.
Having patience was my personal hump that I had to get over but yours may be something else. Maybe you don't spend enough time with your child, maybe you're not a nurturer. There can be several things. But the most important thing for you to do is not to let it go unchecked. Read books or articles on resolutions to the things that you are struggling with when it comes to parenting. Pray and seek counseling. Both of which have personally worked for me.
My hope is that you don't feel like you're ever alone. We've all been there. As the title states, No One Said That It Would Be Easy. But you can do it.
Thanks for reading!