He was exciting. He was different. But he wasn't for me.
It didn't flow like the river or soothe like red wine but it had an effect.
The kind that brushes itself against the side of your legs right before you find your hands traveling down to touch its head and invite it upward.
He reminded me of what I'd missed. What I knew of but never actually knew. He completed my sensationalized fantasy until I drifted beyond the shores with no one to help balance me.
Checking for the sand beneath shallow water, I caught hold of his eyes. In an instant I knew exactly where I was and with whom I was with.
The excitement dwindled as my feet met the sand and the water began to rise above my head. There weren't any hands there to save me, just a drifting silhouette.
I could feel the wet of the ocean all around me as my arms and legs purposefully pushed the encompassed water behind me.
I'm steady on the shore as I was before. I see no one. Just a small boat too tiny for me to fit in. As quickly as it came was as quickly as it left.
I tried to fly out of body to flow freely but I kept being pulled back. Within myself was another self who I visited every once in a while, as you would an elderly relative. The visits were short and stifled with regret looming in the air from me neglecting to visit more often. Guilt. I spent so much time in the company of others that time just went by. So I promise to stay in contact.
The ground is cool beneath my feet but I just needed to feel. Needed to know that I was still existing and not just caught in someone else's dream. As the wind blew past my face I caught hold of it as a baby suckling its mothers breast for the very first time and I exhale. Tears run slowly down my face and I take calm in knowing that I'm still here. Purged from a soul bound by the ideologies of others and suppressed into a dark corner of her own subconsciousness, she remained silent and accepting because she didn't know what it felt like to be free. Thinking it normal to walk upon eggshells hoping not to crack or be cracked.
It was in her alone time when she heard me, yelling from the well that housed her tears. My drowning and gasp for air pulled her in to me and we spoke once again, but candidly. She realized that she was losing me and in that, losing herself so she embraced me and nothing was strange about it. A perfect fit.
I thought about you
as the sun peeked above my windowpane
my fingers touching the tip of the bed
I remembered what it was like
to awake next to you
and closed my eyes once more
hoping to get a glimpse of it again
To see you
looking at me
buried within your thoughts
I'd smile and ask what you were thinking
and you'd brush my hair from my face
and say nothing
but your eyes said everything
I'd go to sleep with you a thousand times
just for that sweet morning.